Weird Science
by John Locke
Summary: The Joker gets an idea, one that will seemingly cripple Batman and Robin. He puts his expansive knowledge of random science into use.


_A/N: This... is totally random I know. It's just a beginning to a small plot that I was conspiring for a forum and just rapidly evolved into this... If anyone would like to see more of this little plotbunny I'll be glad to write more._

_Warnings include strong language use and slight self torture. And some inane science that is relevant only to those who wish to believe what the Joker does is actually doable. It is certainly a plausible idea, but alas, impossible more or less. The information, however, is correct._

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**Weird Science: The Prologue  
By John Locke**

Of course Ace chemical plant was deserted still, as it always was, and Joker was making good use of all of the remnant laboratory space that was untainted. Well, it had previously untainted until he got there.

All of his chemicals and experiments had been moved into the jerry-rigged space, he even had an illegal source of electricity flowing into the building once again and it was home for now. Hot plates were turned on and beakers filled with translucent liquids bubbled on top of them. Standing back and watching the liquid expectantly, he supposed that he should actually buy the place. He had enough money to, in all actuality (stolen money but who cared?), but no one wanted to do business with him for some reason. The thought stirred a laugh from deep inside his diaphragm, a lower octave then normal making it seem actually human for once.

Excitedly, he tittered around the lab space in a stark white lab coat covering his normal attire. (Though in places there were spatters of an eerie substance that would not be named, it just left a nice drying, cracking trail down the left breast pocket diagonal towards the buttons.) Otherwise, it matched his skin tone quite nicely and made him stand out even more amidst the shadows of the lab. The only lights on beside the ones directly above him and the lab bench were the ones in the fume hood where botched experiments still smoked and fizzled angrily.

He was developing a nice little present for the demons of Gotham better known as the Bat family. Mostly for the Batsy himself and his little toy Robin. They would get the surprise of his life, well not quite but they wouldn't be able to go anywhere for a while. _Hell_, if this actually worked then he would have to get payments from the other villains and criminals of Gotham because there would not be a move from the Bat and his friendlings without anyone knowing.

He would be depriving the dark knight of his dark nights.

The essential thing he was trying to do was produce a bacterium, non-lethal this time around, that thrives in saline solutions. Mostly brines and salt-water really, but a major component of human sweat is saline. The bacteria would rapidly over take the body, but not make the human sick.

Oh no.

It would make them glow. Glow in the fucking dark Batman.

A low rumble of laughter leapt from his lips as he pictured a glow creeping up the side of the Bat's horrified face. Chemiluminescence at its finest, Joker was sure. Luminol was handy, and so were glow sticks, but once he can find the right bacteria he was golden.

The Clown Prince started by extracting a bacteria that was found in normal human sweat (not his own because that would probably mess things up horribly,) and was now experimenting on them. He had gotten the little angels to express the luciferase enzyme that reacts to luciferin (the same reaction that produces the tell-tale glow of a firefly). Now that small step was achieved he was putting the bacteria through the paces of hell. Bacteria hell. He was currently boiling the bacteria and he was imagining them screaming out in a white hot agony that only unfeeling entities unseen, previously unseen, could feel. It was unclear of what a bat would do to rid himself of a glowing bacteria, even cleansing himself with boiling water. Hell, if he thought of it, the bastard would too. With a quick flick of his wrist the hot plates were turned off, and both beakers were left to cool a little against the hot surface for a while.

Walking away from the hotplates he smiled contentedly as he approached the fume hoods and flicked the light switch off, before returning to the beakers. Both contained water, one saline one not. He knew how to do experiments, thank you very much. Retrieving two kimwipes he dipped a separate wipe into each beaker before setting them against clean watch glasses. From the lab coat pocket a leather clad hand removed a small spray bottle. Uncapping it he leaned forward, anxiousness turning into a perverse excitement that coiled in his belly. A finger pressed on the spray top, spraying the translucent liquid over the watch glasses thoroughly before snatching them up and running into the darkness.

He didn't need to do much more experimenting, it seemed. Both dishes glowed with a green liveliness he had only seen in his own hair, only brighter. It commanded attention and he felt his breath hitch painfully in his throat before a string of exalted curses flew off of his tongue. Laughter soon followed by clinking of glass and shattering of reservations. Oh this would be one hell of a rave, streaking the bleakest of amazing skylines with a wondrous glow. There was no stopping the reproduction of the bacteria either, and that made the excited coil tighten in his stomach as he pranced back into the light and removed one of his purple gloves. With all reservations shattered and excitement coursing through him he needed to calm himself down, and he knew it. Without hesitating he laid his bare hand against the still hot hotplate, laughing in a pained manner as his skin sizzled and sighed as the excitement was abolished.


End file.
